Truth is Love. Love is Truth.

In August of 2000, while driving across country to move to the California Bay area, my future ex-husband and I stopped in Las Vegas and was married. Yes, I did the cheesy Vegas wedding thing. Forgive Everything. Regret Nothing. In hindsight, I realize that was the beginning of a downward spiral that led me to hyperventilating as I cried tears of both joy and sorrow while showering in my luxurious suite at Miraval Resort in Tucson, Arizona– 22 years later. Remember, 2022 was the year I made an intention to heal my inner wounds. I was simply exhausted! And to heal, for real –THIS TIME–was the only way I would garner enough strength to keep it moving, but in a DIFFERENT direction. Finally, while in my 5^th decade on this planet, I ACCEPTED that I can’t get where I am trying to go, doing what I have always done. If I wanted a different outcome, I must change. I must do something different.

Now back to me ugly crying in Tucson. On one of the early adventures of my cross-country healing journey, I was blessed to spend a week at Miraval Spa in July 2022. This was a place I vividly remembered Oprah introducing to her audience when I was in my 20’s or 30’s. It was a place, I dreamt I would one day experience. And I did.

While at the Resort, I met with an intuitive. As a skeptic, I provided no information. When she asked what I “wanted to know?” I responded, “Whatever you have to tell me.” Yet, I listened with hopeful expectations that I would receive some wisdom on how to heal this broken heart, that I was desperately trying to mend. This was a different heartbreak, not the divorce—more on that later. Forgive Everything. Regret Nothing. I listened with the intent to receive, in spite of my cynicism. Hell, I needed answers! I felt her presence and I heard the advice she offered on how I must connect with my inner child. I listened cautiously to the guidance on how to embrace and love “her” in order to heal “me”, the current version of “her”.  This French woman, whom I’ve never met, and all she knew about me was my first name, connected with 5-year-old me! Her details were too accurate for me NOT to believe. And thus, the rollercoaster ride began! Up the mountains through the valley all the way to grandma’s house!  Child, it’s been a journey. At times I have been full of energy and optimistic and the very next day, I ponder, “What the hell am I doing this for? I’d rather be stuck on stupid.” Forgive Everything. Regret Nothing.

Back to my story. In a nutshell, from the words of what proved to be a very authentic intuitive, I was informed that 5-year-old me, was looking for my daddy. And if I failed to go back and connect with that innocent little girl, I will spend the rest of my life searching, for daddy. In search, trying to fill the void that little me already knew she had.

Now, let’s fast forward to yesterday, Monday, 2/19/2024. I will fill in the details about this roller coaster ride in days to come.  So, stay tuned 😉. You don’t want to miss it! I promise to vulnerably surrender it all! And I did.

Before I continue with today’s message, let me just say, God speaks to me in words (music lyrics, books, street signs) and numbers. And sometimes, I am compelled to listen to a number. So, 2+1+9+2+0+2+4 = 20 —2+0 = 2. More on that later. I also attended a “numerology seminar” while in Tucson.

Paraphrasing one my sources, “the number 2 represents balance and wholeness, often a reminder to take care of yourself. Maybe a reminder to let DIVINE timing do its PERFECT work”. With the #2 tightly sealed in my subconscious mind, I made a conscious decision to give my attention to a question that a friend asked. But first, I answered off the cuff.

“Did you ever really love your husband?”, he asked.  Without thinking, I responded, “I really don’t know. But what I do know is that I have always loved his friendship. I know I am eternally grateful that God sent me such kind, gentle hearted man to protect me when I was so broken. Because throughout my life, I’ve witnessed romantic love as mostly abusive. And as a broken woman, I could have easily continued this cycle at the hands of the wrong man. So, I know for sure that I am grateful for him and will always be.”

After I responded to my friend’s question, “Did you ever love your husband?” I spent the rest of the day reflecting on a more nuanced, refined answer. Because now I know, there’s always more.  There’s always another layer to peel back. There’s something underneath that we too often like to leave safely hidden away, secrets that only we know. So, we think! Until we learn that truth is too transparent to really hide.

Back to my story. I tend to digress, so please forgive me. I like to add context when I am inspired to do so.

Later in the day, as I was l taking my meditative walk through the city and listening to my inspirational playlist, I heard the following words, “Stay free. You free already. Just be love. Be love and stay free. Nobody’s free until we all free. I’m talking universal love, that’s what we all need. To be free, you gotta love yourself. Cuz love is free. There’s nothing else but love, so love is all you gotta be”. (Lyrics from the song Free with Johan Kest and Londrelle).

And the words that resonated the most with my soul were “to be free, you gotta love yourself. There’s nothing else but love, so love is all you gotta be.” And I had my AHA moment! I had a more nuanced answer to the dreadful question I was too ashamed to answer! And I did.

“How could I have really loved my ex-husband, if I didn’t even love myself?” Forgive Everything. Regret Nothing.

Today, as a fully grown woman, who has embraced her 5-year-old self, protects her at all costs and will fight anyone who comes for her, I am so in love with me! Therefore, I can be honest with myself. I can tell the whole truth without guilt, shame, or regret. Because I know who I am. I know the purpose of my pain. I know I have always been enough. I know there are no mistakes, only lessons to learn.

Let me wrap this up and put a bow on it.

Here’s today’s message in a nutshell.

Love vibrates at the highest frequency. Love is all there is. Love is truth. So, truth is all there is. Learn to ask yourself, “Is this true, right now? Is this love?” Answer these questions, honestly. Learn to Forgive Everything. Regret Nothing.

My final words of wisdom for today are my personal “intent statements”. Peace is my priority. Love is my lesson. Universal acceptance is my unity. Grace is my gift. Forgiveness is my faith. Integrity is my instinct. Truth is my testimony. Surrender is my safety. PLUG FITS! If the plug fits, connect it! And I did.

In other words, I surrender it all. I intend to live my life in truth with integrity. Forgiving everything and granting grace to everyone as I accept all that is and joyfully unite love and peace, as one! Forgive Everything. Regret Nothing. I am.

My final, final note:)

As I typed the words that I vulnerably shared with you today, I felt pounding in my chest. My heart was in total control and continued to beat at its own pace, faster than normal, but still doing what it does best. And as I have no other choice, I allowed it. I surrendered it all. Anxiety tried to claim my peace and shame cowardly tried to capture my courage. And I REFUSED to listen because I graciously asked myself “Is this true, right now?” You see Angels, now I really understand one of my favorite quotes from Neale Donald Walsh, “LIFE BEGINS AT THE END OF YOUR COMFORTABLE ZONE.”
FORGIVE EVERYTHING. REGRET NOTHING.

Namaste.

with love, indigo reign